Freddy

Freddy is my best friend. He’s cute, loving, and cuddly. I feel more loved by him than anyone else. Though he walks on four legs and has a tail, I consider him my baby.
He hugs, kisses, snuggles, and occasionally gropes (my face mainly).
That’s why I’m terribly scared at the moment. He has urinary crystals that have completely obstructed his urethra.
He will most likely need $3,000 surgery. It’s also a crappy recovery…
I really want him to be okay. He’s not even 4 yet, plus I get to take him with me to college. He’s done so much for me that I hope I can do enough to help him.

I wanted to include my “boyfriend” in my fun sleepover with some friends who live an hour away. Well instead of me getting a ride with my friends like I was going to, I agreed to go with him. The party started at 5:30. I never do things with him and the one time I wanted to he lets me down. I hate it.
Why does everything have to be a disappointment?
I was so looking forward to this sleepover, and now it’s fucked up. God damn no matter what I do everything sucks.

Why

The future is dumb.

I’m sorta dating my boyfriend, but half the time he doesn’t even treat me like his girlfriend, so I try not to act like I have a boyfriend… If that makes sense.
But I can’t start seeing anyone else because I’m leaving forever in august.
And I can’t leave him because he’s the only person who knows me, talks to me, and once in a while, makes me feel worth more than the mud on my boots.
It’s just so… Complicated? I know I deserve more than him, but for the time being we’re staying together. Then what happens when I leave?
I told him we should make the few months I have here memorable and interesting, but he doesn’t seem to get t. I want to move on but I can’t. It’s torture!

Why isn’t college sooner? :/

Hnnngh

Went to a show where a band of people I talk to on the internet was playing. Issue: I have negative self esteem and assume that after seeing me in person, said people no longer find me worth speaking to, let alone anything else.
However, the show itself was pretty great. I’m extremely sore but it was totally worth it.

Today was indescribable

I went to my, er.. Boy..friend(?)’s house. I brought condoms. We had a lot of fun. He took my virginity as I wanted him to for years. As lovely as that was, he ended up pretty upset at the end of the day because of his drunkard mother and lack of self esteem,
So I bought a root beer for him, drove to his house at 12 am, and we talked, hugged, cried, etc. No matter what sort of problems that boy has, he still manages to care about me on a level that no one else ever has. I love him.